Week 2 - Provision

Ok  Well, I am not going to be one of those bloggers that posts on a regular schedule.  I wanted to.  I had grandiose intentions.  I don't know what in the world I was thinking.  Honestly, I got started and had the new blogger high for about 24 hours.  Then, I forgot about the thing for about a week, and then I got really busy with the start of school and kids, and yada, yada, yada.......  The timing for this post was perfect.  Everything that God had been placing in my path during this summer is coming together in one word.  Provision. 



One of my big issues  is that I often feel, as many single moms, responsible for the whole world.  I try to do it all.  Fix it all.  Take care of it all.  I do depend on my child support to help pay bills and the constancy and promptness of this check has been a blessing.  I know many single parents do not receive a penny or have to fight for what they get.  I did at the beginning, but my girl's dad settled into a payment pretty well after the first year and it became just another bill to him. My heart goes out to those moms who struggle to keep the lights on.  I have never been there.  I don't know if I could have made it through that. Ultimately, although I am working hard and Johnny is providing weekly, it is God who is providing for us.  I have been reminded of that today.   

Last year we ended up in court over some issues that were dealt with very smoothly, and at the time we decided to reevaluate the child support payment.  It took 9 months, but finally last month it was determined that the girls dad was making twice as much as he did when it was first calculated and my child support almost doubled.  Plus, I am to get retroactive from Jan 1.   A huge burden was lifted off of my shoulders.  Second mortgage will be paid for in about 10 months.  Home improvements that need to be made will be done and completed by next summer.  Everything will be ready to go.  Just in time for me to buy a second car for my home.  Bekah will be 16 in April.

THEN CAME THE CALL

Last night, I got a call that puts this whole scenario in limbo.  Details are too personal to put on the world wide web and I would never want to mortify my children or divulge information about my former husband to degrade him or humiliate him in any way.  All I can say is right now I am feeling very afraid and very unstable.   The situation could be the beginning of something wonderful or a complete and utter manipulation. 

THE GOD STORY

 Sorry it took me so long  to get to the cool part.  I thought you needed a little background.  Now it is going to sound as if I am going off on a tangent right now but it all ties together.  Last night, before the call came in, I had a couple of friends here from my high school youth group days.  We had sung in a quartet together 25 years ago.  One of the girls was here for her high school class reunion with her one year old.  Yes, she was the only 43 year old there with a 1 year old.  My girls and I offered to watch her last night. We had a ball with her.  Wore me out.  Emma had to really help me.  Anyway, when they arrived to pick her up, I had my everything is fine, I can handle anything smile plastered on my face because I had already gotten the call.  She knew nothing.  As she was leaving she pressed a folded up bill in my hand and told me she would have paid a babysitter.  She wanted me to go get something for myself.  I tried to refuse, but she said if I did she would mail it to me. 

When she left I unfolded it and it was a one hundred dollar bill. From the moment I had received the call, I had been praying about my house payment. " Lord, how am I going to make my house payment."  I had taken out some money to send my daughter on a trip with her dance company and had planned on paying it back on Friday with my next check.  I needed $100.  My friend, Felicia, had no idea what had happened when she pressed that money into my hand.  God knew.    The money is not much.  I could have found it somewhere.  I have a stash or two here and there.  I could have borrowed from Peter to pay Paul.  God knew that too.  This month wasn't even the worry.  It's next month when I don't have the money put aside.  God knows that too.  He was faithful with the $100.  He will be faithful next month too.  As I sat stunned and almost ashamed of myself I could hear him say "My burden is easy and my yoke is light.  Let me provide for you.  You just keep doing what you are doing and let me worry about this." 

I am not going to be able to upgrade to a smart phone now.  I guess I will just keep adding that quart of oil to my car between oil changes. Fall break vacation in New York will just have to wait a year or two.   I have everything I need.  God has provided.  I do not need a thing.  I am sort of healthy.  I was depressed today, but generally am joyful and happy.  I am learning step at a time to depend on him again for everything. 

Isaiah 26:3 You Lord give true peace to those who depend on you, because they trust you. 

Week 1 - Adversity

Told you my life was really full and busy.  My Saturday night post has turned into a Sunday morning entry.  Kind of funny how it turned out.  I sat here with the title posted for three hours.  In fact, I think it counted as a post since I have no idea what I am doing and how to make it go away.  I didn't know what to say. I knew I wanted to talk about adversity and how God grows us in our troubles.  I know I want to focus on that this week during my quiet time and search for gratitude and growth and relationship with my maker through the study of the topic of adversity,  but what would my angle be.  Little did I know it would come to me right where I was.   As I sat there, my life circled around me.  My home is a hub.  At one point there were ten people in my fifteen hundred square foot cottage.  I sat in my red plaid chair, hence the title of my blog, and observed it all.

I know as a single that it is not healthy for me to hang out with just single women.  If you are a single, make an effort to surround yourself with healthy married couples as much as possible.  Single parents need to see examples of how healthy couples work together.  Yes it can be painful, but singles can breed bitterness if left on there own.  That being said, I have many lovely single friends, who by the way make an effort to have married friends.  On the weekends however, when married couples often do couple things the door of my hub is always open.   

Two of my friends were here last night.  Both very different.  Both with very different backgrounds and lifestyles. Both very grounded Christians who live out their faith in totally different ways.  They are both believers.  They both have suffered great adversity in their lives. Through deaths, divorces, loss of jobs, They both at the age of 44 are living at home with there parents. I look around at many of my other single girl friend, even some who have remarried, and see how God has turned their ashes into beauty.  They are way more beautiful now than they were  on D day, and I don't mean physically.  I am nine years older, fifty pounds heavier and  a whole lot more haggard looking than I was when I moved in with my mama with my babies to escape from my life, but God has grown me.  He has seen me through.  He has delivered me from huge adversity and allowed small nagging adversity to continually remind me that he is always there.

1 Peter 1:6-7
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 


Father God,
I have been going through the motions.  I have been singing but not for you.  This morning as I sing on the worship team, may my faith prove genuine and result in praise, glory and honor to Jesus Christ and may he be revealed. 




 

Hello All

Well, I have been dreaming about doing this for a long time and I have no idea what I am embarking on.  I have so many ideas running around in my head I have no idea where to start.  I have been a blog stalker for a long time, gathering home and teaching ideas.  I could go in so many different directions with this thing that it is driving me crazy.  This morning I figured it out

I am embarking on a year of small changes.  My adult life has been one huge roller coaster, in which I will reveal a little at a time, but will refrain from whining about, promise. (One choice you make in life can impact you for years to come, listen to your mom). Currently,  I am working on my health my home and my heart. I am a teacher and the alliteration helps me to remember my goals.    My health and my home have been easy to find sources that have met my needs. (Tell you more about that later).  My heart on the other hand has been a different  thing all together. 

I have been a Christian since I was seven years old.  I grew up in a Christian home and was very active growing up. As an adult I have participated in many bible study groups and had a quiet time that would rival that  of Beth Moore.   For the last three years, maybe two, I have found myself becoming more and more complacent, almost to the point of having no relationship at all.    I am going through the motions.  I sing on the praise team at my church.  I have my kids there all the time.  I am active in body but not in mind or spirit.  I find myself texting during church (I know, you would take your teens phone away for doing such a thing). My life is really good right now.  God is still blessing me, actually I am happier than I have been in years.  Although I have almost forgotten him, he has not at all forgotten me.  He reminds me daily he is taking care of me.  As I type this my eyes are leaking which is new to me (another story for another day).    I owe him sooooo much.  He owes me nothing but continues to give me everything.  I continue to look at how blessed I am and I am  ashamed of myself and my lack of gratitude.  Time for a change Ladies. 

I dreamed up the name of this blog two years ago and I will explain it later. I even wrote a few devotionals back when I dreamed up the name of the blog.  Maybe that is what I am suppose to do with this.    I chase rabbits constantly.  I know I will include things from teaching, to single parenting, to home ideas, to recipes, to parenting budding actresses and dancers and adhd children.  I deal with aging parents and aging ex in-laws that I love.  I manage an ex, who is a professional and has a mental illness and addiction issues.  I have some anxiety issues of my own and a health problem or two.  I love my children and friends more than you can imagine and embrace my singleness for now as a gift to grow and become the woman I am suppose to be.  With all that said, if you would like to join me on my journey, I plan on posting my 52 weeks of change on Saturdays.  My life is full and busy. I may post at three a.m. or two p.m.  Who knows. 

For now this is going to be a really plain boring blog.  Have no idea how to do anything.  Hope I can figure it out. 

Hope you have a blessed week.
Amy