One of my big issues is that I often feel, as many single moms, responsible for the whole world. I try to do it all. Fix it all. Take care of it all. I do depend on my child support to help pay bills and the constancy and promptness of this check has been a blessing. I know many single parents do not receive a penny or have to fight for what they get. I did at the beginning, but my girl's dad settled into a payment pretty well after the first year and it became just another bill to him. My heart goes out to those moms who struggle to keep the lights on. I have never been there. I don't know if I could have made it through that. Ultimately, although I am working hard and Johnny is providing weekly, it is God who is providing for us. I have been reminded of that today.
Last year we ended up in court over some issues that were dealt with very smoothly, and at the time we decided to reevaluate the child support payment. It took 9 months, but finally last month it was determined that the girls dad was making twice as much as he did when it was first calculated and my child support almost doubled. Plus, I am to get retroactive from Jan 1. A huge burden was lifted off of my shoulders. Second mortgage will be paid for in about 10 months. Home improvements that need to be made will be done and completed by next summer. Everything will be ready to go. Just in time for me to buy a second car for my home. Bekah will be 16 in April.
THEN CAME THE CALL
Last night, I got a call that puts this whole scenario in limbo. Details are too personal to put on the world wide web and I would never want to mortify my children or divulge information about my former husband to degrade him or humiliate him in any way. All I can say is right now I am feeling very afraid and very unstable. The situation could be the beginning of something wonderful or a complete and utter manipulation.
THE GOD STORY
Sorry it took me so long to get to the cool part. I thought you needed a little background. Now it is going to sound as if I am going off on a tangent right now but it all ties together. Last night, before the call came in, I had a couple of friends here from my high school youth group days. We had sung in a quartet together 25 years ago. One of the girls was here for her high school class reunion with her one year old. Yes, she was the only 43 year old there with a 1 year old. My girls and I offered to watch her last night. We had a ball with her. Wore me out. Emma had to really help me. Anyway, when they arrived to pick her up, I had my everything is fine, I can handle anything smile plastered on my face because I had already gotten the call. She knew nothing. As she was leaving she pressed a folded up bill in my hand and told me she would have paid a babysitter. She wanted me to go get something for myself. I tried to refuse, but she said if I did she would mail it to me.
When she left I unfolded it and it was a one hundred dollar bill. From the moment I had received the call, I had been praying about my house payment. " Lord, how am I going to make my house payment." I had taken out some money to send my daughter on a trip with her dance company and had planned on paying it back on Friday with my next check. I needed $100. My friend, Felicia, had no idea what had happened when she pressed that money into my hand. God knew. The money is not much. I could have found it somewhere. I have a stash or two here and there. I could have borrowed from Peter to pay Paul. God knew that too. This month wasn't even the worry. It's next month when I don't have the money put aside. God knows that too. He was faithful with the $100. He will be faithful next month too. As I sat stunned and almost ashamed of myself I could hear him say "My burden is easy and my yoke is light. Let me provide for you. You just keep doing what you are doing and let me worry about this."
I am not going to be able to upgrade to a smart phone now. I guess I will just keep adding that quart of oil to my car between oil changes. Fall break vacation in New York will just have to wait a year or two. I have everything I need. God has provided. I do not need a thing. I am sort of healthy. I was depressed today, but generally am joyful and happy. I am learning step at a time to depend on him again for everything.
Isaiah 26:3 You Lord give true peace to those who depend on you, because they trust you.
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